The space between the stuff.

Today I went to Ikea. 

I was there gazing longingly at the section devoted to organising stuff. I went looking for a solution to finding more space.

I have more stuff than I can deal with. Everyone else in my family likes to bring their stuff to our home, to me, to ensure I find a place for it so they don't have to let it go. I usually manage the stuff with a regular throw-out - but that breaks hearts and I feel like a meany!!

Today I noticed how much I wanted to buy plastic bins and little this-n-that thingy-majigs to put all the stuff in. I noticed how easy it would be to find new places for stuff so I didn't have to face the real issue - that we have too much STUFF.

I don't like all that stuff. I want it gone from my life. I want to live a more simple existence.

This idea is the very thing I love so much about spending time in the countryside; in the forests; by the lake; at the seaside. - where there is less stuff and more nature; where I can hear myself think; where I feel the world slow down just for a moment; where the balance is easy to connect with.

So today I remembered that the real issue is all our stuff and my desire to get rid of it, pass it on, share it with others so they don't have to buy more stuff. It felt good to say twenty times "reduce the stuff and you won't need the storage". And it's true.

The stuff is not the answer. The space between the stuff is what I am looking for.

sarah xx

The story you tell.

... and the way you live that story - as if it's true - is either creating a life you want, or providing you with a living hell. The cool thing about the story is that you are making it up as you go along. So what happens next is up to you.

Take a look at the role you are writing for yourself:

• are you the victim?
• is your crap upbringing your justification for writing more crap into your future?
• have you been convinced of an undesirable destiny just because your parents didn't enjoy the choices they made?
• have you accepted someone's judgement on your worthiness to the world instead of deciding upon your own?
• are you swamped by zillions of reasons for a less-than bright future - made-up reasons to avoid having to make something of yourself and your life?

THIS IS IT! Seriously ... THIS is it!

You get to choose. Make them good ones ... and start today.

sarah xx

Listen.

I spent the day today with a motivated group of women, who are also mothers, who volunteer in a specialist parenting organisation in my city. The training topic was the skill of real listening.Along with it came the awareness of how little we listen to others, and how little we are listened to.

Five minutes into the training, the faces of the trainees are always the same: a mixture of embarrassment, shame, vulnerability, confusion and mystification. They have just been introduced to a new definition of REAL listening - one that challenges almost everything they believe about what it means to be a good listener.

Few of us have been taught to listen properly. Some are naturally better at it than others. The beauty of attending a training course in the skill is that for the very first time, there is a moment to sit and work out what it feels like to be truly listened to, and how hard it is to provide that gift, hold that space for others.

Listening is often best described by what it is NOT rather than what it is. Resources on good, active listening abound on the internet. Check them out.

To become a better listener yourself, start practising on those around you. See how it feels different for you. See how they respond differently towards you when you listen well.

Then work out who in your life truly listens to you. Those are the people to turn to when you want someone to comfortably, but actively hold the space while you talk yourself through anything and everything troubling you.

Listening is a GIFT ... it is a loving action you can take for your partner, your family, your children (most importantly - then they will learn to listen well too) ... and anyone you share your life with.

There are plenty of people to talk to ... but few who will listen.

sarah xx

Friday's truth.

"where we are on our own journey toward wholeheartedness is a much more accurate predictor of how our children will do than what we know about parenting" Brene Brown

sarah xx

When the wheels fall off.

It creeps up on you sometimes doesn't it?

There are moments in your life when you know you're speeding too fast and you feel like you are handling it OK but you are not sure it can last – or if you think you can handle it at the level it's at, you have an inkling that you can't really take anything else on the load...

You realise in addition to the speed that the things that normally keep you on balance are all out of whack too: eating, exercise, water intake, sleep, down time, connection to your partner, 'available' time with your children. Your 'to-do' list is enormous.

You know you are busy because you don't really have a minute to spare. If you did, well you know what you would do with it – all the things on the “wish-to-do” list.

But you tell yourself that there is nothing you can let slide. You keep on dragging your uncared-for and un-nurtured body and mind from one end of the day to the other.

You cross fingers that sleep will replenish you – but even that is broken, or filled with crazy dreams.

What's it going to take? How long will you wait? How much more will you add?

When the wheels eventually fall off – and they will sooner or later – it's usually a spectacular crash, a real event! It can feel like it crept up on you, that you were doing so well and all of sudden one little moment or task was more weight than you could bear.

But let's be honest here ... there was no creeping! 

Way back at the beginning, you stopped doing the important things.

You became distracted by the musts, shoulds, have-tos.

You gave into their nagging and focussed on them.

You left behind your priority.

You crept away from taking care of yourself in favour of taking care of others and the many 'things' that seem so critical on a daily basis.

It's time to return to the highest priority – taking care of YOU.

Nurturing your body and mind means you are ABLE to go out there and care for your children, your partner, your parents, your friends. It means you have a strong base upon which to do all that other stuff. Without it, the wheels fall off.

What can you begin to do today that will nurture and love your body and mind more than you have been doing?

If you are not sure how or where to start then admit it – it's OK. You can learn that by asking for help. 

Don't wait a minute longer - this is IT!

sarah xx