Is your motivation is intrinsic?

Setting goals and having dreams is something we are all encouraged to do. Having courage, living our values, doing the work, growing and evolving - we are also encourage to do these. The key to lasting the distance and making sure you move along the journey you want to be on is intrinsic motivation. 

My experience since writing this post has been interesting. Eight years of thinking about it, talking about it sometimes but vaguely, writing about it privately … and then wham – there I am sharing it with the world. After pressing the initial ‘send’ I decided to take it a step further and email the link to my family – knowing that they don’t regularly read my blog meant knowing that this experience was not going to be known by them unless they stumbled upon it.

Then I published the link on FaceBook. Now all the people I have known across the years from school through to now were sharing this piece of my life. Freaky stuff!!

The traffic on my site peaked quickly. I watched it do so, and watched myself racing around my mind grasping for a hiding place … followed quickly by a reminder to myself that this is what I had created and I needed to suck it up, stand in the discomfort and breathe (which I did).

When you put yourself out there (like I did) you have to be quite clear about your motivation for doing so (which I was). There needs to be somehow an understanding of the process that is involved – I don’t mean “how” you are doing it, but more like “why” you are doing it and what it means for your own individual evolution. Yes, large parts of it relate to sharing with others so they know they are not alone - but altruistic notions may not be enough to get you through the cold, lonely, vulnerable, terrifying, incredibly painful and difficult experience of having it ‘out there’

Intrinsic motivation is the key. Do it for your Self. Tie it to a value: self evolution; self witness; self-awareness; letting go … tie it to anything that is for you - and you alone.  That is what intrinsic motivation is. 

Those moments where you want to run and hide will be tough – but if you know that you are doing it in service of a value you hold, you can sit in the vulnerability and know that you are living a whole-hearted, full life. 

Sarahxx

Are they reasons or excuses?

Many of us want our lives to be different; we seek change in our feelings, our behaviour, our life experiences, the results we are getting. 

Many of us don’t know where to start, or how. 

We say “I am not sure, I don’t know if I am ready”.

We fear what will happen if we make a change.

We see the way we are entwined with others; we tell ourselves we don’t make the change because someone else will be affected or won’t like it.

We hesistate.

We resist.

We make excuses.

We find other values to serve – ignoring what is, upon reflection, a higher priority.

We say “I have to work” (because work is a society-sanctioned escape route “work is good”).

What are your excuses for not living the life you want? 

What do you want when you are not making excuses or squashing your dreams?

Sarahxx

Wolves.

An old Cherokee told his grandson: “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, and resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.”

The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

I love this story ... perhaps because it is a simple reminder of how much influence the focus of our attention has on our lives.

Perhaps it helps me understand that the choices I make are up to me, and my responsibility. 

I like the way the meaning goes beyond the idea of good and evil; it relates as effectively to the concepts of negative and positive - or any extremes found in the world.

Maybe it's simply the way it nudges me to check my thinking ... to see which direction I am heading, which wolf I am feeding.

What does it do for you?

sarahxx

Do you REALLY want things to change?

And ... how willing are you to make those changes yourself?

If you don't make them who will?

And if you wait around for someone else to make the changes are you willing to accept the type of changes they make?

Perhaps you don't really want anything to change. Perhaps you secretly (or not so secretly) want it all to stay like is - sure that some day soon you will suddenly overcome the difficulty and everything will be OK...

Perhaps you dream that this is just a nightmare ... one you will wake up from. So you wait ... inactive ... hoping something or someone will come along to help you avoid the necessity of having to do anything to make the changes yourself.

How many more times are you planning on 'losing it', falling apart or crashing before you acknowledge that something in your behaviour and your head space needs to change so that you can let go of this mode of living - or half-living and move into living whole-heartedly ... fully ... connected?

Somewhere, sometime, this cycle needs to stop if you are going to climb out of the space you are in right now. 

Change only occurs when the pain of staying the same becomes too great

... are you done yet? 

sarah xx

Who's got your back?

There have been moments in my life when I have felt sad and disappointed at what appeared to be a lack of honesty in the world around me.

I wished that people would simply come out and say what they mean. I wished they would tell me when I had hurt their feelings, or check with me for the true meaning of what I was saying rather than assuming they knew. I felt that I was learning the ropes, stumbling blindly through social situations, trying things out - often blundering as I went. It seemed that everyone else knew how to do the social relationships thing, whereas somehow I had missed out on that very important gene. 

I also recall thinking that if dishonesty and judgement of others was the way to make it all work, then I was much better off without it.

In recent years, I found a person who is willing to step closer to the fire, risk getting burned by my response - because she believes in honesty in friendship too.  

She gently holds up the mirror and says "this is how it looks from out here - is that what you are hoping to project?". 

Sometimes my answer to her question about what I am putting out there is "yes I can live with that" and sometimes its "ummm, wow, no that was not my intention at all". 

Having this person around has taught me to be more honest, more brave, less concerned with the impression I am making.  She helps me focus on the values I hold and match my behaviour to those values. As a result I feel more authentic. 

It's a huge and important role she plays in my life - one I am extremely thankful for.

There may be someone in your life, who for the best reasons, is there right behind you. This person is human rather than perfect. They have their own stuff they are working out too... but when it comes to you, they are on your team. They are there gently saying "are you sure this is what you want?". They know you don't have all the answers. They offer you that knowledge without judgement.

They invite you to self-reflect without shame.

They have your back. 

Who is that person in your life? And for whom do you play that role?

sarah xx