It's spring ... somewhere.

After more than 7 years in the northern hemisphere, I appear to have suddenly reverted to living my home (southern) hemisphere’s seasonal pattern. The planet’s south has passed the magical date of 1 September and launched itself into spring. That means the north is on it’s way into autumn – not exactly the traditional time to begin the behavior of ‘spring cleaning’.  It appears to be part of an elaborate plan of resistance to taking back my “old” life in an effort to have more of what I truly want and less of what I have settled for. 

I am clearing, cleaning, culling, washing, airing, tidying, and making space between the stuff. I am recycling all manner of work-related paper that I was sure I would ‘do something’ with one day. I am vetting carefully the social engagements I accept.

I am choosing nothing over 'something' ... instead of settling for less-than. 

I have to admit that, aside from a few attempts in the area of spring cleaning (even on-season), I haven’t done this properly in years. I put it down to a recently restorative two week holiday where I didn’t cook, clean, grocery shop, do laundry, organise a babysitter, follow a routine attend social events or work.  The holiday created space for awareness and reflection – for detaching from my life.  

Post-holiday, I feel a strong resistance to falling back into the old way simply because it was “the old way”. An automatic response that pre-holiday was simply there – perhaps even something I would have labelled ‘natural’- is no longer the leading force in my actions. 

Instead, there is a delay … a moment when I find myself thinking “umm is this what I want? Is there a better way/different response/alternative thinking I could be using? Do I need this in my life? Is it bringing me closer to Self and the ones I love? Am I living my values” 

Of course it’s not a sweeping change. It will come as no surprise to you that there are times when I just do it the old way because it doesn’t feel like there is time to suddenly create a new one. Other times I choose to do nothing instead of just doing the same ole, same ole.

There is a very strong sense of coming up for air – from daily life, from habit, from a kind of sludgy place where I always felt I was struggling to keep my head above water. 

For years, when asked what I want I would respond “a simpler life”. Now I feel like I am creating it. 

Why did it take me so long?

I suspect it comes down to letting go – to just simply having the chance to STOP and step back. Doing nothing of the normal allows us to reflect on the ways we normally spend our time and energy.

It's spring somewhere ... 

sarahxx

A simpler life.

Knowing, prioritising and living your values is fundamental to having a simpler life. 

When you are not aware of your values, you don’t know what your priorities are. When you don’t know your priorities, everything seems “important”. 

When everything seems important, life is overwhelming, too busy, hard, murky, confusing, exhausting. When life is overwhelming, creating the changes you want and dealing with transition is tough going.

You stick to the daily grind.

You need that time in front of the TV to ‘shut-down’ for a while.

You need that drink to get through.

You need that food to numb the noise of the busy-ness.

You need to blame others for the way your life is going.

You need to look outside yourself for answers and direction. 

When you know your values, you know what is truly important – to you. When you know what is important to you, you make it a priority.

When you know what your priorities are, all the other ‘stuff’ pales in comparison.

Life becomes less overwhelming. You are focussing on what’s important to YOU – and that’s a lot fewer balls to juggle.

If you want a simpler life, work out what’s truly important to you.

Sarahxx

Values provide the strong base for goals

If you want to achieve something in your life ... something meaningful, something that you value, you are going to need to get to know yourself properly. 

To "know thyself" you need to figure out what matters to you, what you feel is important in your life.  

Understanding what your personal values are - not those of your parents, partner or friends - is a key to hearing your own voice, knowing what action to take and how you want to behave. Once you know your values you can set goals that are congruent with them and take action that matches those values (valued action).

Through aligning goals with our values, we are genuinely inspired to find the energy and persistence to go after those goals with our whole heart.

With our values as the basis of our motivation, we can be clear about the 'why' of our choices.

This motivational knowledge is key to achieving goals that may at times be long and difficult, and require extra determination and perseverance to achieve.  Knowing which values are being served by the action you take:

• you'll endure higher levels of pain and pleasure in their pursuit
• you will have more patience and persistence to go the distance 
• you'll believe in yourself and your ability to reach the goals
• your internal experience of your life is significantly more positive and rewarding

Living in line with your values leads to all sorts of positive, enjoyable results such as feeling like you are on the 'right' track, supporting and growing your self-esteem, reducing internal conflict, clarifying how you live your life and what you do each day.

Values knowledge = intention/goals = action/behaviour

When our values and our behaviour are congruent, we set goals with our highest values in mind, we see the greatest opportunity to live the life we value and we are inspired to do things that count.

So what are your values?

sarahxx

Magical Questions: what if things were different?

In an effort to re-focus myself and my life, I have been asking myself the above question: What if things were different? ... the answers are a relevation to me, and provide a plan for making changes in my life.

In my case I decided to ask myself "What if I was single? - how would I live my life?

I hasten to add that I am NOT imagining yukky things happening to my lovely husband ... or the disappearance of my children.

I love them all but I know that the role I play as Mother and Wife is easy enough to hide behind at times ... I mean by raising children I am already "doing" something right?

No. I suspect that at times the busy-ness of these two roles, along with my work, leave me feeling little energy or inspiration for working out if the way I am living my life is how I really want it to be.  

If I could wave a magic wand and change things, what would I change about my life now?

The extension of that question is the concept that if there are things I would change (waving a magic wand seems like a great, easy way to proceed don't you think?) then why don't I change them anyway?

With vulnerabililty, I share with you my list. I wrote it in full indulgence of my imagination ... 

• I would still raise my children

• I would continue my education

• I would diversify my income sources 

• I would travel more

• I would see more movies

• I would switch to a more ecological lifestyle (with coffee and chocolate always included)

• I would live in the countryside and go walking all the time – a good sized town with mountains all around, or a smallish place near the beach/lake

• I would have a garden and grow my own veges

• I would ride a bike whenever I could

• I would swim each day

It's not an exhaustive list.

It's a 'first go' list. I wonder what I will add as time passes.

Above all, I found myself looking at the list and wondering exactly what it is that stops me from having the life I want right now - it's certainly not my married status I can tell you!!!

I wonder what question you would ask?

• What would I do if I wasn't scared?
• What would I do if I had the money to do it?
• What would I change if I could re-start my education?
• What would I do/change if I cared less what other people think?

Take a moment, a piece of paper and a pen ... and write down your question. Then, with courage, write down your answers.

... this is where you find your voice, what you really want ... this is where it begins. 

sarahxx

Finding the focus

Sometimes, the challenge is simply finding your focus and keeping it. Knowing your values is a key way to working out what to focus upon.

Do you focus on your relationship: building a better one, improving the one you have, finding one, re-finding a connection with your significant other, resuming or changing the sex part and so forth?

Do you focus on your children: your connection to them, their needs, their upbringing, their troubles, their cries for help, their development?

What about your career: do you have one to speak of?, is it the one you want?, if not, is there something else you want to do?, what is it?, how do you find out?, does it fit your values?, have you the time and energy to find a new one or will you take up the old one because it's kind of risk free?, do you doubt your motivation for doing anything else other than what you can manage day-to-day? ... (and many other questions).

What about your friendships: where do they stand?, do they need work/focus/attention?, are your friends people who share your values/listen/care for you?, are your friendships nourishing or draining?, what would improve them?, what is missing?.

Your finances: do you have what you need to live?, are you using what you have to the best advantage?, where are you draining your finances by thinking you need something that is not really in line with your values?, how can you plug in to abundance?

How is your health and fitness compared to how you want it to be: are you healthy?, what needs to change?, what are you not paying attention to that needs attention?, what are your values around health and fitness and how are you living them/not living them?

... yes sometimes the challenge is working out where to focus your attention. Otherwise it can all seem

1. too hard

2. too confusing

3. too distracting.

Knowing your values is one way of finding your focus in this life (the one you are living now, in the present moment) and keeping it on track. 

Take each of these areas and work out what your values are. Those are your guidelines for living.

Let everything you do each day be in the service of one or more of your values. 

All the rest of that activity you convince yourself is 'needed' is surplus. Let it go.

sarahxx