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She is afraid...

She is afraid for him, she is afraid of what she thinks his experiences mean (bad things) and because she loves him so much, she wants to try and control how his experiences affect his life.

It is really hard for her to experience her anxiety about what he might feel.  I can hear how much she fears the feelings there and how badly she wants for them to go away, give her a break, never come back. It's overwhelming.

She is convinced that if he would just hurry up and change then she wouldn't have to feel this way anymore.

She thinks that if she were a better mother, he would not be having these "bad" experiences.

She worries that she is not the right mother for him, that she is under-qualified. She is convinced she just needs to be good enough, better than she is ... then everything will be OK.

If she can do that, she thinks, he will avoid having the "bad" experiences and she will avoid having these bad feelings too.

She is judging. She is labeling "uncomfortable" or "new" or "anxiety" as BAD.  She believes that there is a list of bad feelings and a list of good ones.  She has become convinced that if she (or her son, or her daughter, or her husband, or anyone else) is feeling anything listed on the "bad" list, then everything must be done to avoid that.

That is where her fear and anxiety come from. 

It's the judgment we place on our feelings and experiences that creates our anxiety around them.  Without the judgment, the feelings are simply feelings, to be felt, to sit in, to let go of when we have given them space to simply be.

When we place judgments of "bad" or "good" or "nice" or "horrible" on our feelings (or the same judgments on the feelings others are experiencing) they become a weight around our neck, something to get away from, avoid or struggle against.

There is no struggle where there is no judgment.

Sarah xx

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