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She is afraid... »
Friday
Sep122014

He feels exhausted ...

When you hear his story, it's no surprise.

Somewhere in the numbness that has become common-place for him, he's feeling despondent, let-down, disappointed in life; his world; humanity.

He wonders to himself "is this it?".  He watches other people living and experiencing life and he wishes he could feel like they do ... and he doesn't mean just the "good" feelings, he means he wishes he could feel ... something, anything other than numb, disengaged, anaethetised. 

The lack of feeling is exhausting. It's exhausting because he expends all his energy on blocking the feelings, leaving nothing for motivation, movement, expression ... nothing but depletion.

He moves through life like an automaton, putting one foot in front of the other and appearing to hold it all together whilst waiting for someone to turn to him and say "what is wrong with you, are you OK?". He can't believe that what is going on in his head is not visible to everyone around him. 

And that just feels lonely ...

To avoid feeling the loneliness and disconnect from himself, others and his world, he has developed a strong ability to shut those feelings down, not feel them ... they are too painful and he doesn't know what to do with them. 

In shutting down his ability to feel the hard stuff, he has successfully bypassed his ability to feel joy, happiness, love, light, elation. He has become numb to the lows AND the highs.

There is no balance, there is simply disconnect. 

He will be able to feel again when he becomes willing to feel it ALL, without judgment, to accept that getting better at feeling is the path to feeling better. 

Sarahxx

 

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