Sunday, May 10, 2015
How is it that you have become so hell-bent on proving that the way your children behave is someone's fault?
When you find enough evidence to support your case - how will you feel then?
And then what will you do with it???
I get a sense that you feel that being really hard on yourself (or your partner) and proving that you (or she) are/is the cause of your children's "issues" will somehow change something ... like if you hurt yourself/her enough, you will suddenly be able to flick a switch and the result of all the self-punishing and judgment will be that they are miraculously perfect.
What I think I know about such things is that the more punished a person is, the less they have any capacity to be there for others, to connect with others, to be able to love themselves and therefore those around them ... they instead become depressed and anxious and therefore completely unable to join in any sort of relationship.
So what I am saying is that in my experience of such things, beating yourself/her up is going to get you further from, NOT closer to the person you/she want(s) to be for your children or who you think they need.
It's time to decide to take a different path from the one you have walked so long with this whole parenting gig and with yourself as a parent.
It's time to choose love rather than fear and hurting as your motivation - and not just love for your children...
If you love your children, then you are going to have to love their Mum/Mom. Because loving your kids and being there for them can ONLY come from loving their Mother - not hurting her or judging her or beating her up or shaming her or ignoring her or punishing her.
When she has that kind of support from you, THEN and only then can she share that love and acceptance and non-judgmental stance with her children (because she has had it demonstrated to her).
If you continue to treat her as less-than, she will only ever be able to provide that for her children. But if you get alongside her, support her and be compassionate with her, you are going to find a very different path emerging.
Be the mother or father you wish for your children. Support anyone else parenting your children with a loving, non-judgmental stance - and notice how much more loved, settled, connected and safe your children feel as a result.
Notice, also, how much more loved, settled, connected and safe YOU feel too.
It's your choice.