Regular 'software' updates allow evolution and growth for us all.

In the days of regular technology updates, we all understand what it means when we update the software on our computers or the apps on our smartphones. If we don't do this regularly, the operating system is limited - it lacks flexibility, efficacy and fluidity.

It's the same principle with the 'software' we use to operate our minds, our beliefs, our relationships with others. If we don't update our software, we are limited in our capacity to grow, change, evolve and by extension we limit those around us. 

We may believe we know someone - like our father or mother, our partner, our best friend. We may have known them a while, through different life situations. We may feel confident that we know what they are thinking and how they will react in a variety of instances.

We may have been carrying our vision of that person around with us for a very long time: using it to colour our interactions or taint our view of them, their actions, their thoughts and their beliefs. In essence, we have been using our idea of them to limit our view of them.

We all reserve the right to learn, grow, change, develop, make mistakes and learn from them, evolve. We all want the chance to be seen as we are now, in the moment - rather that as we were at school or when we were depressed, or when we didn't know what we know now. 

We need to update our own view of ourselves on a regular basis.

We need to allow others to evolve too - by regularly updating our view of them. 

When we do this for others and for our Selves, we set each other free ... to be ... to grow ... to change. 

What old beliefs and visions are you carrying about those around you?

If you met them for the first time today, how would you describe them? How would you relate to them? 

Allow your connection to that person to evolve by "meeting" them for the first time today.

Set yourself, and them, free.

Sarahxx

Letting go - living NOW.

To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time - the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. -Eckhart Tolle

This idea that we are our thoughts, imagination, the words we say, the ideas we have, the roles we play, our beliefs etc. is not helpful.

When we identify with the wide and wonderful range of things our minds can do, we start to believe that we ARE whatever is in our mind. 

When we have thoughts about ourselves or other people that we judge as negative, we tell ourselves that because we think those things (however fleetingly) we ARE those things.

We tell ourselves that because we have those thoughts and those thoughts are judged bad (by society, ourselves, others), then WE are bad. 

As Tolle says, identifying with our minds does not allow us to be mindful - instead it holds us in a place of 'stuckness', mental and psychological rigidity and ultimately focuses us on what has past and what "might" happen in the future - rather than living and experiencing in the present. 

If you want to live more in the NOW, less in the past and less in your idea of who you are because of what your mind tells you, you are going to have to let go the idea that you are your mind. You are going to have to see your Self as a separate entity ... your mind as a part of you but not the sum total of you.

As you separate Self from mind you will find greater flexibility in your thinking, an ease of the struggle to tame the mind, a peacefulness and calm that only occurs when we are not pulled to and fro by the workings of the mind.

It's not about silencing the mind. It's about living with its movements without attaching to them.

It's about letting go.

sarahxx

Values provide the strong base for goals

If you want to achieve something in your life ... something meaningful, something that you value, you are going to need to get to know yourself properly. 

To "know thyself" you need to figure out what matters to you, what you feel is important in your life.  

Understanding what your personal values are - not those of your parents, partner or friends - is a key to hearing your own voice, knowing what action to take and how you want to behave. Once you know your values you can set goals that are congruent with them and take action that matches those values (valued action).

Through aligning goals with our values, we are genuinely inspired to find the energy and persistence to go after those goals with our whole heart.

With our values as the basis of our motivation, we can be clear about the 'why' of our choices.

This motivational knowledge is key to achieving goals that may at times be long and difficult, and require extra determination and perseverance to achieve.  Knowing which values are being served by the action you take:

• you'll endure higher levels of pain and pleasure in their pursuit
• you will have more patience and persistence to go the distance 
• you'll believe in yourself and your ability to reach the goals
• your internal experience of your life is significantly more positive and rewarding

Living in line with your values leads to all sorts of positive, enjoyable results such as feeling like you are on the 'right' track, supporting and growing your self-esteem, reducing internal conflict, clarifying how you live your life and what you do each day.

Values knowledge = intention/goals = action/behaviour

When our values and our behaviour are congruent, we set goals with our highest values in mind, we see the greatest opportunity to live the life we value and we are inspired to do things that count.

So what are your values?

sarahxx

Magical Questions: what if things were different?

In an effort to re-focus myself and my life, I have been asking myself the above question: What if things were different? ... the answers are a relevation to me, and provide a plan for making changes in my life.

In my case I decided to ask myself "What if I was single? - how would I live my life?

I hasten to add that I am NOT imagining yukky things happening to my lovely husband ... or the disappearance of my children.

I love them all but I know that the role I play as Mother and Wife is easy enough to hide behind at times ... I mean by raising children I am already "doing" something right?

No. I suspect that at times the busy-ness of these two roles, along with my work, leave me feeling little energy or inspiration for working out if the way I am living my life is how I really want it to be.  

If I could wave a magic wand and change things, what would I change about my life now?

The extension of that question is the concept that if there are things I would change (waving a magic wand seems like a great, easy way to proceed don't you think?) then why don't I change them anyway?

With vulnerabililty, I share with you my list. I wrote it in full indulgence of my imagination ... 

• I would still raise my children

• I would continue my education

• I would diversify my income sources 

• I would travel more

• I would see more movies

• I would switch to a more ecological lifestyle (with coffee and chocolate always included)

• I would live in the countryside and go walking all the time – a good sized town with mountains all around, or a smallish place near the beach/lake

• I would have a garden and grow my own veges

• I would ride a bike whenever I could

• I would swim each day

It's not an exhaustive list.

It's a 'first go' list. I wonder what I will add as time passes.

Above all, I found myself looking at the list and wondering exactly what it is that stops me from having the life I want right now - it's certainly not my married status I can tell you!!!

I wonder what question you would ask?

• What would I do if I wasn't scared?
• What would I do if I had the money to do it?
• What would I change if I could re-start my education?
• What would I do/change if I cared less what other people think?

Take a moment, a piece of paper and a pen ... and write down your question. Then, with courage, write down your answers.

... this is where you find your voice, what you really want ... this is where it begins. 

sarahxx

Finding the focus

Sometimes, the challenge is simply finding your focus and keeping it. Knowing your values is a key way to working out what to focus upon.

Do you focus on your relationship: building a better one, improving the one you have, finding one, re-finding a connection with your significant other, resuming or changing the sex part and so forth?

Do you focus on your children: your connection to them, their needs, their upbringing, their troubles, their cries for help, their development?

What about your career: do you have one to speak of?, is it the one you want?, if not, is there something else you want to do?, what is it?, how do you find out?, does it fit your values?, have you the time and energy to find a new one or will you take up the old one because it's kind of risk free?, do you doubt your motivation for doing anything else other than what you can manage day-to-day? ... (and many other questions).

What about your friendships: where do they stand?, do they need work/focus/attention?, are your friends people who share your values/listen/care for you?, are your friendships nourishing or draining?, what would improve them?, what is missing?.

Your finances: do you have what you need to live?, are you using what you have to the best advantage?, where are you draining your finances by thinking you need something that is not really in line with your values?, how can you plug in to abundance?

How is your health and fitness compared to how you want it to be: are you healthy?, what needs to change?, what are you not paying attention to that needs attention?, what are your values around health and fitness and how are you living them/not living them?

... yes sometimes the challenge is working out where to focus your attention. Otherwise it can all seem

1. too hard

2. too confusing

3. too distracting.

Knowing your values is one way of finding your focus in this life (the one you are living now, in the present moment) and keeping it on track. 

Take each of these areas and work out what your values are. Those are your guidelines for living.

Let everything you do each day be in the service of one or more of your values. 

All the rest of that activity you convince yourself is 'needed' is surplus. Let it go.

sarahxx